Optimist or Pessimist?

There is a song by Paramore called: For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic.  I really like the title and it has brought a few laughs to some in our family who have been accused of having a negativity bias.   

Lately I have been complaining, whining, being a little negative and definitely overthinking life.  I have made pro and con lists, to do lists, not-to-do lists and have been giving too much credit to the thoughts bouncing around in my head. It is difficult to be taken seriously when the thoughts are really just pouting and venting. 

If you think too much, you can create problems that were not there to begin with. You can have those skeptical thoughts become gloomy then angst sets in and before you know it you are in despair and your daughter could be saying, "For an optimist, you are pretty pessimistic."  

(Not that this is necessarily a true story, and if it was I would change the names to protect the innocent.)  

Sometimes we have a tendency to be caught in a mental loop of overthinking.  It can ruin the situation, twist things around, make you worry and it can make everything much worse than it actually is.  

Rumination-break the habit!

Being a happiness teacher does not guarantee that life is always perfect or even fun. Cheerfulness, hope and confidence are not given with that title.  

Those positive traits are earned and learned.  

They take practice and practice and even more practice.

There is no perfect.

Two facts from The Happiness Journey by Bob and Virginia Pothier:

• Our brains are not built to make us happy.
• Our brains are built to latch onto negativity and to treat it as overly important.

When rumination and over thinking take over, it can be linked to bouts of increased sadness, difficulty solving problems and decreased motivation, concentration and drive.  It is an unhealthy and dangerous mental habit.  It can be a slippery slope to navigate. 

I believe that what you think about becomes your life.   

So if you are on this path, snap out of it.

Use tools of positivity to keep going on your happiness journey.

Remember that happiness is not the absence of unhappiness.

It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full because...

1. The glass has air in it so I believe it is always full!
2. Be glad you have a glass!

What I know for sure is that there are days I feel overwhelmed and a little over the top heading towards pessimism but most days are filled with positive thoughts and making progress towards being an optimist.  

What's in your glass? 

Try

I recently attended a Colbie Caillat concert.
She is an amazing singer/songwriter and her performance was sizzling.
She sparkled and tugged at our hearts.
Jason Mraz even sang a song with her, while on Skype or some other platform.

In the program bio there was a line about her song, Try, from the new Gypsy Heart album.  It explains that this song is "an anthem for women to accept who they are and be comfortable showing it and not hiding it from one another."  As she sang the song, with the video playing behind her, I felt an explosion of emotions.  The video showed women of different ages, all made up and also with natural faces and hair.  It was a powerful statement.  The emotions I felt were many.  I imagine each person is seeing and feeling differently while watching this video.

Watch the music video for Try


Here are the lyrics for Try by Colbie Caillat:

Oooh
Oooh

Put your make-up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim so they like you, do they like you?

Get your sexy on
Don't be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want, to belong, so they like you
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try

Oooh
Oooh

Get your shopping on, at the mall, max your credit cards
You don't have to choose, buy it all, so they like you
Do they like you?

Wait a second,
Why, should you care, what they think of you
When you're all alone, by yourself, do you like you?
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
Yooou don't have to try

Oooh
Oooh

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to, give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Take your make-up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror, at yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you

As you read these words, listen to Colbie Caillat sing them or watch the music video,  

I wonder what is going through your mind and how your heart feels. 

Do you feel the hurt?  

Do you feel the sadness?  

Do you feel the love?  

Do you feel the power?

What do you feel?   

It is not about makeup and what we look like!

It is not about changing to fit into the mold of "everyone else".

It is not about caring what others think.

It is not about size, age or color.

  

It is about being you.  

It is about accepting who you are.

It is about knowing what is important, to you.

It is about liking yourself.

This song is important.

These lyrics are life changing.

The message is critical.

Listen.

Think.

Pass it on.

Don't you like you?

Cause I like you.

Thank you Colbie Caillat, 

for making a difference.  

            

And a big shout out to Alex & Sierra, who are totally awesome and the whole reason we went to the concert!  Check out this song by them.  

Scarecrow by Alex & Sierra  

Small Wonders

Maybe life doesn't get any better than this, 

or any worse, 

and what we get is just what we're willing to find: 

small wonders, 

where they grow.

-Barbara Kingsolver

What are you looking for?

Are you willing to find it?

Do you see the small wonders in your life?

I wonder........

Where Are You Going?

Contentment

Contentment is not the fulfillment 

of what you want, 

but the realization of 

how much you already have.

-Anonymous

What does contentment mean to you?  I believe that in our happiness journey,  being content has to do with satisfaction that reaches a level which is different for everyone.  My level of achievement and good fortune is not the same as your idea of a good life.  Not wishing for more is a fluid place for me.  

How much is enough? 

Enough happiness, health, money, love or anything.  

When do we not wish for more?  

I believe the answer to that is in the now.  

Now is enough. 

There is a line from the book, The Fault in Our Stars by John Green that says, "it occurred to me that the voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that everything might be done better and again."  Wow, that is deep and worth thinking about.  When one dream comes true we sometimes critique it and say it could have been better or if I had it to do over...and on and on. So where is the contentment or the acknowledgment of how much you already have or that has been done? We quickly move on to the next, best thing and leave behind the feeling of enough.  Augustus, one of that characters in the book, makes a remark about Hazel and how he sees her impact on the world because "real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention."  We do not have to be dying to have this attitude or impact.  We can notice our life and pay attention to the now.  What follows is contentment.  Your kind of contentment.

Life is how you look at it...ugliness or beauty.

Life is how we hear it...complaining or uplifting.

Life is how we imagine it...nightmare or dream.

Life is how we feel it...fear or love.

Life is how we anticipate it...sad or happy.

Life is how we live it...wishing for more or contentment.

Choose to live life with contentment.

Life becomes how we live it.

Enough. 

Now.

Pool Time

Pleasure in the summer for me...is pool time.  
When I was growing up we had a community pool.
We could only go there with an adult.
They usually didn't want to stay very long.
For me, it was never long enough.

Now I am very lucky to have a pool in my backyard.
Some years we use it a lot.
Some years we barely do.
Crazy.
This year I am in the pool almost daily.
By myself.
No one else.
Sometimes Sadie is laying in the shade but often it is too hot for her to stay.
It is fun by myself. 
But I also miss the pool chats and games with my daughters and their friends. 

Yesterday I did a walking meditation in the pool.
Seriously.  
I turned on my iPhone to the Happier app and counted 100 steps.
It was amazing. 
I think it was a random act of fitness!
Sometimes I count my strokes as I swim, kiddie corner across the pool.  
Sometimes I sit on a noodle and paddle around.  
Sometimes I float on my back, looking at the clouds.
Sometimes I float, holding my breath and look at the bottom of the pool......

It is a constantly changing prism of light.  

It is beautiful.  

It is awesome. 

It is relaxing.  

It is better than meditating.    

It is such a simple thing.  Floating....I feel like my hotness, crankiness, problems and stress just float away.  I have been in the pool the last 4 days in a row and many before that but not in a row.   I stay in there a long time.  I get out when I want to get out. 

I am very thankful I have a pool.

Summer pleasure is pool time for me.

Did I mention how thankful I am to have a pool?

What is bringing you pleasure this summer?

Maybe next week I will write about ice cream.....

Meditation again!

I have written more than one blog post about meditation.
There are many benefits of meditation.
It is a practice that I keep coming back to try again and again.
I even have had a boot camp for meditation this year.

On Friday I participated in an online event for peace, led by Deepak Chopra.
It was over 100,000 people from all around the world.
We were all mediating at the same time, for peace in our world.
It included humor, music and yes...following the breath.

On Monday I started a new 21 day meditation experience with Oprah and Deepak Chopra called Expanding Your Happiness.  Here is a link to check it out -Expanding Your Happiness -free 21 day meditation experience.

When I have written about mediation in the past, it has generated many page views.  In fact, my all time high for a post is 66,058 for meditation which I wrote in April of 2013 and it still has people viewing it many times daily. There is an obvious interest in what meditation is and can do for us.

I have decided that there is no wrong way to meditate.  I am not thrilled with the word meditation.  It seems like something I need to have on my to-do list and mark it off.  For me, I think it is kind of a buzz word.

What I know for sure about meditation....(thank you for this phrase, Oprah):

• it can be relaxing
• thoughts are still in my head
• there are lots of ways to do it
• no right or wrong way to get it "done"
• some people call it prayer
• silence is good
• people don't always respect your "meditating" time
• it isn't necessarily religious or even spiritual
• patio pondering works
• ruminating does not work
• lost in thought counts
• not sure what is the difference from mindfulness
• some people do it over two hours a day (may be really napping?)
• never sat on a meditation pillow
• it is never quiet when I try to do it
• exercise counts for me

When I was off on my "pretend" retirement I was trying to come up with a morning practice that included meditation, drinking lemon juice, being outside for 15 minutes with feet touching grass, writing morning pages, exercise, smoothie, and other "good" things.  But it was taking me all day to do, if I even got it all done and for sure nothing else was being accomplished.  So I went back to work.  No more "pretend" retirement for me.  Just living life and meditating in my own way.

Yesterday I was in the pool.  No one else was with me.  As I floated and looked at the clouds, I thought, maybe this is a great way to meditate. 

And as I sat on my patio drying off and pondering life, I thought, maybe this is a great way to meditate. 

And later when I was reading a book, nothing on my brain but the book, I thought, maybe this is a great way to meditate. 

And when I was eating frozen yogurt with my daughters, laughing and being silly, I thought, maybe this is a great way to meditate.

And even later when I was texting a friend in crisis, I thought, maybe this is a great way to meditate. 

For awhile I was labeling meditation as stillness.  That wasn't working for me either.  I understand all the benefits; physical, mental and spiritual, that come from meditation.  I just can't seem to get it.  I keep trying.  It certainly isn't going to backfire to keep looking for ways to be still and empty my chattering mind.

But......floating in a pool, reading a book and sharing texts can be a practice for your  best life.  Those moments can be filled with appreciation and being thankful. So maybe meditation is really just contemplation, pondering, reflecting, being lost in the moment.

Wait....that's it!

Being in the moment.

It doesn't have to include a deep breath or silence.
It includes whatever you need to do or not to do, to be here now, in this moment.

I will participate in the next 21 days with Oprah and Deepak Chopra in the Expanding Your Happiness meditation experience.  I might even use stars to keep track.  And in that moment I will be happy with my meditation accomplishments.

And after that, who knows.
Maybe some patio pondering, music or yes.....even stillness.