Real Life

“If there is nothing you can do, face what is and say, 

‘Well, right now, this is how it is. I can either accept it, or make myself miserable.'" 

-Eckhart Tolle

The reality of life is that it sometimes sucks.  

We all have crappy days, horrible weeks and difficult months.  

Sometimes we feel overwhelmed, undervalued, absent, and disconnected.  

It is called life.  

And it is real.

As a happiness teacher many people expect me to always be smiling and "happy".  

I usually explain that the science of happiness is not about displaying a pretty vase of flowers on the table, or ignoring life and pretending all is well.

It is about learning to walk that fine line with balance and lean toward optimism.

  

What is different in life when you lean toward optimism?

Is everything hunky dory all the time?  

Does it mean you have no troubles, strife or problems?

NO!  

I just wished my life sucked a little bit more, you know?

-Said no one ever

Our mental habits can cause us to wear blinders to our difficulties which can lead to ignoring and denial.  Or those same mental habits can promote overthinking and then we  continuously dwell on the what-ifs.  Neither way is helpful in the long run for both our physical and mental health.  There is a happy medium between these two extreme ways of dealing with real life.  You can be realistic but optimistic at the same time.  You know when you are having a less than positive happening in life and you just want to curl up and have the world go away but you don't.  You figure out what you need to do to make it through. 

Yes, sometimes it is hard to find good things in life, but you do.  

There is so much good in the world and it is easy to take those things for granted. 

Look around, make a list...... 

• a smile from a stranger
• a baby's laugh
• a friend posting on your Facebook wall
• a beautiful sunset
• a walk in nature
• the aroma of freshly brewed coffee

This list could go on and on.  

And that is the point.  

We can choose to see all bad, doom and gloom.... 

or we can pick ourselves up and try to make it better.  

Separate yourself from the problem.  

Be aware of what you are thinking and when you overthink. 

I am not saying we can solve all our problems or fix everything.  

On the contrary I am saying we for sure can't solve it all. 

Come up with a way to live with it by leaning toward optimism.

Manage your difficulties like a happiness whisperer.

Happiness is a choice that requires effort, 

especially when dealing with real life.

   

Priority

I am too busy.
I cannot fit "it" all in.
My to-do list is so long I am still writing it.

STOP!

Slow down.

Think.

We need some priorities:

priority |prīˈôrətē|noun ( pl. priorities )-a thing that is regarded as more important than another-the fact or condition of being regarded or treated as more important-the right to take precedence or to proceed before others

What is your prime concern?

Your most important consideration?

The primary issue?

Caring for your health and wellbeing is your best way to increase your happiness.  

Physical, mental and spiritual.

When you make yourself a priority it is the first step towards living a "real" life.

Brainstorm with yourself. 

Make a list of what you are willing "to-do" for living your best life.

•   Moving your body daily
•   Learn meditation
•   Listening to your heart
•   Ignore the to-do list
•   Go to bed early
•   Ask for help
•   Take a day off, or even longer
•   Have a jammie, no driving or going anywhere day
•   A few minutes of quiet

There are times in life when there is so much going on and so much to be done that the only really important to-do on your list is taking care of you.

What can you set aside to make more time for your happiness?

Indecision

Indecision is a decision in itself.

When I was little and having a hard time deciding about something very important, my mom would explain that not making a decision was an automatic no because it was not a yes.  It would became the default answer because of inaction or an omission of yes.

The definition of: 

• indecision is the inability to make a decision quickly.
• decision is a conclusion or resolution reached after consideration.

It seems like the difference between the two words is quickly.

Sometimes a decision is easy.

We know the right answer.

And take action.

Other times the decision is hard.

We know the right answer.

And make no decision.

And take no action.

Indecision.

How do you feel when you are facing indecision?

hesitant

tentative

doubtful

uncertain

wavering 

second thoughts

hemming and hawing

sitting on the fence

Indecision steals our happiness.  It also robs us of concrete action.

Not making a decision is really a no!  When thought about this way it can bring clarity to a situation, because we think, well maybe the answer should not be no.  Most decisions can be undone.

Make a decision today.

Be committed to it for a good reason.

Decide to do something about it.

In the next 24 hours.

To make that very important decision there is time to use thought and care or even do a pro and con list.

But...if that answer isn't yes and you can't decide quickly...and do nothing...
it is a no...by default.

Happiness is a decision...

Followed by action.

Bonus post! Did you know? Science of happiness facts

Greetings from the Happiness Whisperer!

Dalai Lama's Birthday

The Dalai Lama celebrated his 78th birthday last week and said he was "counting on young people to create a 'happier' century."  In his speech, the spiritual leader made it clear that "happier" was an opportunity to "not just think of themselves."  

According to the Dalai Lama, building a "happier century" would include incorporating many ways of changing the world:

• Create better conditions
• Live in harmony
• Spirit of coexistence
• Practice compassion
• Think of others 

 
All of these ideas are co-mingled and intertwined.  
They piggyback on each other.  
Some mean the same.  

Which came first-the chicken or the egg?

If we were to create better conditions, we would probably be able to live in harmony with a spirit of coexistence.  We practice compassion when we think of others.

How can we create a happier century?  

Where do we start?

What can we do to put such a change in motion?

Is it even possible?

What is the first step?

Second step?

How can we begin?

Start with yourself by thinking of others.  
Thinking about how you can serve is one way to make a difference.  
It doesn't have to be a huge, world-wide, mega difference, but a small change which will cause ripples of "happier."

A small change can lead to a big change.

To live in harmony and a spirit of coexistence requires us to practice compassion-to ourselves and others.  Be kind to your co-worker, neighbor, others and yourself.  All of these changes will lead to better conditions and can be accomplished by each one of us.  Set an example for your child, friend and even strangers.  Our expectations for a "happier century" will be easily attained when the result is not just thinking of ourselves but figuring out how we can serve.

How can you serve by making small changes for a 

"happier century?"

Happy Birthday to the Dalai Lama!

Resolutions for Mid-Year New Year!

This half a year is finished....
6 months in and 6 months to go,
before the end of the year.

At the end of 2012, 

did you make New Year's resolutions?

How long did they last?

The intention was there.

You resolved to change.

The decision was firm.

Your aim was high.

The plan was awesome.

Another to-do pledge.

Promise.

I mean it, really.

New Years is typically thought of as a time to change your habits and your life.

  

Celebrate all you have accomplished.

So here we are, another chance to start over, begin again, focus on what you want to change.

The question is (thank you, Danielle LaPorte):

How do you want to feel?

This question can start the fires burning and get your creative juices flowing.

How do you figure it out?

Sit in quiet

Brainstorm

Dream

Remember

Word association

Imagine

Make a vision board

Fill in the blank....

I want to feel _______________________.

You'll get no ideas from me.

This is about you and only you.

I want to feel_____________.

OK, you twisted my arm, a couple of ideas...

powerful, peaceful, abundant, kickass, adored alive, worthy, content, sparkly, strong, serene, excited...

I'm stopping now, you get the idea.

Message me if you need more!

You don't have to wait until New Year's Eve, a full moon, next Monday, when you are happy, lose weight, get married or after the project if completed.  You can figure it out before that specific date or happening in time.

Do it TODAY.

Right now.

Decide.

Choose.

Opt in.

Plan.

Intend.

Aim.

Resolve.

Begin again.

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.

-Anne Frank

Happy Mid-Year New Year and life. 

Improve your life, your love, the world.

Feel the way you want to feel.  

Pass it on.